Chapter 4

The Impact of Threat and Danger on the Learning Process

Researchers now know that exposure to extremely stressful experiences can potentially alter the learning and behavioral profiles of otherwise resilient children. Bruce Perry, M.D. (2002), Chief of Psychiatry at Texas Children's Hospital and founder of the Child Trauma Academy, provides the following illustration. Imagine just before sitting down to listen to a lecture your doctor calls and tells you your biopsy results are positive. Listening to a lecture after the call is now a very different experience than it would have been before the call. For a traumatized child trying to concentrate and pay attention in class, it can be a similar experience. Children experiencing the effects of traumatic stress exposure may at times struggle with things that can seem very simple to others, like concentrating and paying attention, because their nervous systems are reacting much like ours react after that phone call. And this can be the case regardless of their intellectual, creative, academic, or other strengths and abilities. 

A Lingering Source of Threat and Danger Revealed

A few years back, Javier spoke at a conference for mental health providers, where he candidly revealed to those in attendance details of his childhood history, including his previous learning and behavioral challenges. Following his presentation, a member of the audience, who was both a professor and a writer, asked Javier if he might be interested in writing a chapter about his life for a book he was writing. Javier was touched by the request and excited about the opportunity. But the excitement quickly turned to fear. From as far back as he could remember, Javier always had great difficulty communicating his thoughts and ideas in writing, Says Javier, “I know what I want to say, and can say it out loud, but when it comes to writing it down, it’s always been the hardest thing for me to do. Taking notes, writing papers, even today, writing a few summary statements in a patient’s chart, it should be easy, I know, but not for me.”

 He would have been honored to write a book chapter about his life. but writing in general had long been an area of personal sensitivity. It was easier for Javier to publicly disclose to conference attendees whom he never met details of very painful childhood experiences than it was to speak openly about his problems with writing.

With the benefit of hindsight, a review of Javier’s previous evaluative reports actually revealed potential clues suggesting struggles around writing. On his initial school assessment conducted in fourth grade, for example, he scored above most other students in his age range on tasks that called into play abstract reasoning and other intellectual functions, but scored below most others in his age range on a task that required fine motor speed. On this task, the student is provided with a sheet of paper with a row of numbers from 1 through 9 at the top of the page. Under each number there is a geometric shape. Below this there are rows of numbers with an empty space below each number. The student must place the correct geometric shape under the number it corresponds to. The student is also asked to complete as many items as possible, going from left to right one item at a time. The task is timed. The student is given two minutes. Javier scored well below most other students in his age range on this task. On a follow up evaluation a few years later, he completed a similar task and again scored below most others in his age range. Several years back, while in graduate school, he had the opportunity to complete this similar task one more time. Again, he scored low.

Why was Javier able to do so well on very difficult intellectual tasks, yet struggle on a motor speed task that, for most of us, is far simpler to complete? While some might attribute this to environmental factors, particularly in light of how these factors impacted other specific learning-related functions, neuropsychologists and others who specialize in assessing learning strengths and challenges would also consider neurodevelopmental differences. As noted earlier, it’s possible to excel at difficult things, yet struggle at things much simpler. And this can be true for those fortunate enough to be raised in enriched, nurturing surroundings, as well as those exposed to childhood adversities similar to Javier’s.

When it comes to rapidly copying symbols corresponding to unrelated numbers, Javier doesn’t perform very well. Interestingly, experts in the field sometimes find a correlation between students who do poorly on this task and those who struggle with taking notes in class. Javier has, in fact, always struggled with rapid note-taking. But his struggles extended as well to other tasks involving writing. While he communicates his thoughts eloquently when speaking, he does not communicate as eloquently when writing. And this has always bothered him. Up until recently, it also created doubts in his mind about his abilities, this in spite of the many academic successes he had already achieved.

Javier would eventually learn about underlying skills that can impact the writing process, and his apparent lifelong weaknesses in some of these skill areas. While he doesn’t seem to meet full criteria for dysgraphia, a specific disability affecting the writing process, a few features of the condition do appear to exist. More importantly, Javier is also now well aware that it’s possible to actually be a successful writer and yet struggle with writing. Some of the better known examples include playwright Robert Benton, syndicated columnist for the Washington Post Richard Cohen, the late Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award winning playwright Wendy Wasserstein, and the late broadcast journalist Fred Friendly (Smith, 1999).

Up through the end of graduate school, Javier always struggled when it came to listening to his professors and taking notes at the same time. (For more information on his note taking and other writing challenges, see our webpage.) To navigate around these challenges, he began using the Pulse Smartpen (www.livescribe.com), which records the speaker and links notes written on a page to the speaker’s actual words. When he returns home or back to the office he simply taps a word he wrote down and the pen replays the audio portion of the lecture at the exact time he wrote it.

In college and graduate school, Javier knew where to look for help if help was necessary. And he knew who to turn to for advice on which tools, technologies, strategies, and/or resources would help him navigate around areas of difficulty. His transactive memory was strong, and it continues to serve him well today. As a struggling school-age child, however, seeking help was unthinkable. To the contrary, he spent much more time denying that any problems even existed. In situations where differences represent threat and danger, we now know that it can make far more sense to appear inconspicuous rather than different.  

Translating the Pain of Our Past Into Meaningful Action on Behalf of Others

Javier has been particularly interested in connecting to children and youth exposed to type 2 trauma. In the research literature, type 2 or chronic trauma generally refers to exposure to multiple and prolonged traumatic events. Type 1 trauma, on the other hand, generally refers to exposure to a one time event. Interpersonal trauma would apply to type 2 as opposed to type 1. While researchers and clinicians in the field continue to uncover new findings related to the consequences of type 1, it’s type 2 that Javier has become quite the expert on. His insights in this regard are helping children, youth, and families impacted by these experiences appreciate how human resilience can express itself one way in safe and friendly places and quite another way in places that are perceived as threatening and dangerous. 

Bullying at School

In elementary school Pam remembers having a lot of friends. Now she had none. Worse yet, she was being shunned. Students were intentionally ignoring her, to the pleasure of one very malicious classmate. Few things hurt more, notes educator Rick Lavoie. Cultures as diverse as the Dakota Sioux, the Australian Aborigines, the Pennsylvania Amish, and the ancient Romans must have all known this. Their punishment for those guilty of committing serious crimes was banishment. Guilty offenders were required to move to the outskirts of town and were no longer allowed to socialize with others in the community. But if community elders felt this wasn’t a severe enough punishment, they imposed an even harsher sentence: shunning. Offenders were now free to attend social activities but not permitted to speak to anyone, nor could anyone speak to them. Historical records reveal that many of those shunned developed serious mental problems. Many also became self-destructive. In a lawsuit filed against the Amish for their use of shunning, a court in Pennsylvania determined that it met the U.S. constitution’s criteria for “cruel and unusual punishment” (Lavoie, 2005a,b).

Pam was being shunned by her classmates, not because she was doing anything wrong, but because she was doing everything right. Looking back, she recalls her tormenters being envious, particularly of her strong academic skills. It was apparent to her soon into her first semester of seventh grade that the better she did academically, the more her tormenters would target her. Up until the end of sixth grade, being a model student had its advantages. In seventh grade, it carried serious risks. It was safer, psychologically and physically, for Pam to simply stop trying.

Researchers today are also documenting its potentially wide-ranging negative psychological and health-related effects. Studies show that children who are bullied suffer higher rates of anxiety, sadness, depression, health complaints, changes in eating and sleeping problems, and dropping out of school. Also, of the 15 school shootings in the 1990’s, 12 of them involved shooters with a history of being bullied (stopbullying.gov, n.d.). It’s no surprise that the Center for Disease Control now considers bullying a public health problem, and that states across the country are enacting laws to prevent it from occurring at school.

Among those working to increase public awareness of bullying at school are professionals trained in the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (OBPP), perhaps the best known and most empirically validated bullying prevention program to date. Before implementing the program, OBPP trainers ask that school staff have all students complete an anonymous OBPP questionnaire. The questions are very specific, and the results are often shocking to school staff and families. One question asks whether other students at school exclude them from social activities. Another asks whether other students either bully them physically or threaten to do so. Another asks how long this has been going on. Another asks if they fought back. Another asks if fighting back did any good. Another question asks whether they’ve told an adult at school about this. And another asks whether the adult did anything to help. For those wondering whether resilient 6-year old children can grow increasingly demoralized by virtue of their day-to-day school experiences, all it takes is for the child to answer “yes” to some or all of these questions.

The Impact of Social Disconnection on Our Ability to Execute

Can feelings of social disconnection impact our ability to consistently and predictably do what we otherwise know how to do? Possibly so, based on a study conducted by social psychologist Roy Baumeister, Ph.D. and colleagues. In the study, college students were divided into three groups corresponding to three conditions: Group 1 corresponded to the “Future Belonging” condition, group 2 to the “Future Alone” condition, and group 3 to the “Misinformation” (control) condition. Students assigned to group one, the “Future Belonging” condition, were led to believe their futures would be filled with meaningful and rewarding relationships. Students in group two, the “Future Alone” condition, were led to believe the opposite, that their future lives would be void of meaningful and rewarding relationships. Students in group three, the “Misinformation” control condition, were led to believe they would be accident prone in the future, even though they may not be so now. The intent was to create the perception that unpleasant events lie in store in the future, but the events would not relate to social exclusion. Subjects then completed a six-minute portion of the General Mental Abilities Test (GMAT), which calls into play a range of cognitive functions, including verbal reasoning, mathematical skills, and visual spatial abilities. Before starting the exam, subjects were also assessed as to their mood. No significant differences were noted between groups.

Results showed that subjects in the Future Alone group completed significantly fewer items than those in the other two groups. Researchers concluded that it wasn’t feeling distressed emotionally that impacted performance, but rather less access to executive function skills necessary to perform up to one’s cognitive capacity (Baumeister, Twenge & Nuss, 2002; Cacioppo & Patrick 2008). In relation to Future Belonging members, Future Alone subjects were significantly less accurate as well. Social exclusion impacted both speed and accuracy on a cognitive task. Accuracy was shown to be comparable to the Misinformation group, which also deviated significantly from the Future Belonging condition.

A follow-up investigation also found that those in the Future Alone condition scored significantly below members of the other two groups on complex cognitive problem solving tasks requiring memory retrieval skills. No differences were observed, however, on simpler tasks. It’s important to remember that these studies were performed with college student volunteers, and so we await the results of future research to see if these results generalize to more real life social experiences. Yet, results do suggest an interesting link between experiences of social isolation and social rejection on the one hand, and our ability to perform cognitively on the other, including our ability to execute skills we may be able to execute better under more accepting conditions. For those enduring bullying and other toxic peer-on-peer behaviors at school or in the workplace, Baumeister and colleagues may be shedding light on yet another explanation for why resilient and capable people, school-age children included, can sometimes know what to do yet be inconsistent and unpredictable in doing what they know. 

Contextual Influences

The summer before the start of eighth grade Pam’s life once again began to brighten when the family moved to a new community (“a change of scenery”). The remaining contextual influences served to maximize opportunities for meaningful and successful school experiences. They were all made possible by virtue of #3, A Change of Scenery.

Social Context

1. The Opportunity to Do What We Love to Do and Also Do Well: The Transforming Power of Meaningful Work

Professionally, Pam is known as an expert in violence prevention, including bullying prevention. She trains school personnel on how to create safe social climates using research validated practices. When practices are replicated successfully, children are prevented from having to go through what she went through in junior high school. Though she does this professionally and is paid for her services, she says she would gladly volunteer her time to do the same thing.

2. Raising the Bar and Leveling the Playing Field

Except for seventh grade, the bar had always been high and the playing field level. During seventh grade, Pam stopped performing up to her potential, and willfully so. It was safer, physically and emotionally, to fail at school than it was to succeed.

3. A Change of Scenery: The Value of a Fresh Start

As noted, life changed dramatically when Pam’s mother moved the family to a nearby community in the summer before the start of eighth grade. Pam had the opportunity to attend a new school, where she made new friends and regained the confidence and work ethic she exhibited in the years prior to seventh grade. 

Life Experiences - In Context

4. Personal Pathways to a Sense of Mastery

Pam’s road to mastery took a brief detour in seventh grade. She got back on the road in eighth grade, thanks to a change of scenery.

5. Learning to See Human Intelligence in a New Light: It’s Not How Smart Are We, But Rather, How Are We Smart?

With the exception of seventh grade, Pam’s intellectual and academic strengths were assets. During seventh grade, she viewed them as liabilities.

6. When Difference No Longer Signals Danger

How others see us can significantly influence how we see ourselves. This is particularly true during our childhood years. Pam’s journey dramatically illustrates this point. Up until the start of seventh grade, she recognized her many strengths and felt hopeful about her future. This changed in seventh grade, when school was perceived as a very threatening and dangerous place. She again began seeing herself through her many strengths once she moved to another school, and she continues to see herself in this positive light today.

6a. More Labels, Not Less

In seventh grade, Pam felt helpless and hopeless. She recalls few if any positive labels capturing her many strengths and talents. One year later, there were many, excellent student, kind and caring friend, among them. Today, Pam is seen as a warm and caring grandmother, mother and wife, as well as a skilled nurse practitioner and tireless advocate.

6b. Learning to See Abilities as Malleable

If her school progress reports and teacher observations were any indication, with the exception of seventh grade, Pam always seemed to enjoy a malleable view of her abilities. In seventh grade, however, she performed much as a student might perform when hampered by a fixed mindset. She risked little in terms of exploring new learning opportunities. The social climate in seventh grade seemed to prevent access to learning experiences capable of fostering a growth mindset.

6c. Understanding Bullying in Historical Context: Bullying, Then and Now

Historically, bullying at school was considered by many as a rite of passage. Today, experts in the field of public health consider it peer-on-peer abuse. Pam devotes a great deal of time, personally and professionally, to increasing public awareness of the impact that bullying and other forms of interpersonal violence can have upon our physical health and emotional well-being.

7. Translating the Pain of Our Past Into Meaningful Action on Behalf of Others

Pam works closely with schools to help them implement practices that can increase student safety and prevent other children from having to endure what she endured in seventh grade.

Relationships – In Context

8. “Beating the Odds,” Thanks to Those Who “Changed the Odds”

8a. Safety Nets

Pam benefited from a strong safety net. Her mother was a tireless advocate on her behalf. In addition, she always enjoyed close relationships with her teachers at school. She knew they would quickly step forward to help her if she simply asked. At the time though, she felt that it was actually far safer to say nothing than to speak up. Recall that Pam did initially speak to her school counselor, and the school counselor did, in fact, confront the bullies. Unfortunately, speaking up led to more bullying, not less. Pam now trains school personnel to be on the lookout for children trapped in a similar bind (i.e., fearing for their safety and also fearing that by speaking out, their predicament would grow even worse).

8b. Connecting to Those Who Legitimize Rather than Stigmatize

In seventh grade, Pam felt ridiculed, rejected, and powerless. Throughout, her mother remained a source of support and validation. Pam has dedicated her professional life to ensure that other students never feel the way she felt in seventh grade. She knows firsthand how important it is to have meaningful emotional connections to others who understand and validate our challenges.

9. Growing Closer and Stronger as a Result of Difficult or Traumatic Life Events

Today, Pam believes that her experiences in seventh grade made her a stronger person and led to an even closer and more enduring bond with her mother. She also feels they helped make her a more informed parent and grandparent. When her own children attended school, she kept a watchful eye on the social climate to ensure they always felt safe. She is now doing the same for her grandchildren. She is well aware that bullying often happens in the shadows, beyond the watchful eyes of adults, and she knows this by virtue of her own life experiences.

When Pam’s mother moved the family to a new community, their relationship grew even closer. This strong emotional bond continued up until her mother’s death several years ago.

9a. Relationships as Malleable

From the quality of her connections with others, we can infer that Pam has always viewed her relationships as malleable rather than fixed. The only exception to this was in the seventh grade, when Pam’s views seemed to grow fixed and inflexible. As an example, she believed the cruel and devaluing comments of her tormenters to be true. Research shows that students with fixed mindsets often do this when bullied. Students with growth mindsets, on the other hand, are likely to attribute the bully’s hurtful actions to problems that lie within the bully. A year later, this was exactly what Pam came to believe. Her tormenters were troubled and in need of help. Now attending a new school where she again felt safe and that she belonged, her growth mindset re-appeared. (In part II, chapter 6, we discuss research that explores how students with fixed mindsets interpret bullying experiences differently than students with growth mindsets.)

10. Our Greatest Source of Strength – Each Other: A Closer Look at Turning Points

In responding to the first turning point question, two turning points that immediately came to Pam’s mind were switching junior high schools and choosing her current career. When asked the second question, she had much more to say. “Definitely my mother. My mother was the one who insisted that I change schools. She also always believed in me and she helped me learn to believe in myself.” In college, Pam remembered the day she decided to major in nursing. Her decision was inspired by a nursing professor she admired and someone she would eventually come to know personally. She says she’s grateful to so many people, in fact, that it’s hard to name them all. She mentioned her husband, her children, and her grandchildren. Then she mentioned some of her closest friends. As with Carl, Linda, and Javier, when talking about life’s turning points in the context of her most important personal relationships. Pam’s tone was more emotional. She also seemed to appreciate the chance to talk about the people in her life who mean so much to her.

Bill’s Successfully Intelligent Ways

What Bill may have lacked in “academic intelligence” he more than made up for in “successful intelligence.” He knows he could never have built and maintained a successful plumbing business without the help of his wife. While he focuses on the plumbing activities, his wife handles the non-plumbing, business related tasks, such as paying bills, scheduling appointments, and managing inventory. According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, Ph.D., the successfully intelligent among us can capitalize on their strengths while correcting and/or compensating for their weaknesses. Bill is indeed successfully intelligent. He may have not felt so decades ago in school, but he does feel so today.

Practical, Real World Problem Solving Skills

Carl, Javier, Linda, and Pam did well in school on tasks that called into play analytic problem solving skills. Bill, however, did not. He recalls scoring low on IQ and other standardized tests, some of which likely tapped into these analytic problem solving functions. But analytic problem solving skills differ from the skills we call upon to solve practical, real world problems. Social psychologist Robert Nisbett, Ph.D. (2009) studied these differences and highlighted distinguishing features. Analytic problems are usually unrelated to everyday experience, and are usually constructed by other people. In addition, they usually provide all the information necessary within their description to arrive at what generally amounts to one right answer through one particular strategy. On the other hand, practical problems are often embedded in everyday experience and require everyday experience for their solution. In addition, they’re usually not well defined, have several different possible solutions, and require that we seek out information leading to a solution. Bill has an abundant supply of practical intelligence. His skills at solving real world problems have helped him to build a successful business, to invest his savings wisely over the years, and to carve out a meaningful and productive life, in spite of his earlier years of school failure.

Bill’s Wise and Courageous Ways

Beyond this, Bill is also wise and courageous. People with far more education, who also occupy far more powerful positions in the community, value his wisdom. Many have encouraged him to run for city council or for a position on the school board. They know how willing he is to put aside personal and professional self-interest in order to work for the common good. He also has courage. He is willing to stand up on behalf of others, and to do so for no personal gain, yet at some personal risk. Psychologist Phil Zimbardo, Ph.D. (2011) refers to people like Bill as “social heroes.” Zimbardo believes that social heroes hold the key to creating social climates free of stigma, ridicule, social exclusion, and violence, including bullying (Katz, 2011). Bill’s friends and family cite a number of examples of his courage. When burglaries and other crimes began to increase in and around his neighborhood, he organized his neighbors to work closely with police to create a neighborhood watch program. Crimes began to decrease as a result. When Bill learned that an abandoned house in the vicinity of a local elementary school that his grandchildren attended was being used as a hangout for drug dealers, he informed authorities, then continued to remind authorities of this, until they cleared out the abandoned house of all illegal occupants. When cuts in federal funding were reported to be impacting services provided to military veterans, he wrote letters to the editor of his community’s newspaper, to local congressmen, and to state senators, requesting more funding. He then spearheaded local fundraising drives to draw attention to the plight of injured veterans whose services were being affected. Friends and family say this is just the short list. They can cite many other examples of his wise and courageous ways. During his years in school, Bill was the student who came to the aid of that smaller, weaker student being tormented or ridiculed by that bigger, stronger bully, who, by the way, was also usually bigger and stronger than Bill. No one taught him to stand up for fellow students in danger, and no one rewarded him when he did it. It just came naturally to him. If Pam had a friend like Bill in seventh grade, she would not have been treated the way she was. He would have intervened. And when he did, other students would have followed his lead.

Contextual Influences

Social Context

1. The Opportunity to Do What We Love to Do and Also Do Well: The Transforming Power of Meaningful Work

As noted, Bill has always been drawn to jobs that allow him to either fix things or build things. His business allows him to do what he enjoys doing. He also feels valued for the services he provides to his customers.

2. Raising the Bar and Leveling the Playing Field

When Bill first decided to start his own plumbing business, he was also deciding to raise the bar. When his wife began assisting him with a variety of business related functions, she was helping him level his playing field. Today, Bill runs a successful plumbing business, but he knows that he could not without the help of his wife.

3. A Change of Scenery: The Value of a Fresh Start

For Bill, the military was a fresh start. He responded well to the military structure, and he took advantage of the opportunity it provided him to learn important job skills, which would culminate in his life’s work. 

Life Experiences - In Context

4. Personal Pathways to a Sense of Mastery

Bill is a skilled and experienced plumber. He cares a great deal about the quality of his work and is confident in his skills. His road to mastery began in the army. The structure provided him the opportunity to successfully execute responsibilities that he and others viewed as important. It was during his years in the army that he also came to believe that his actions would determine his destiny. 

5. Learning to See Human Intelligence in a New Light: It’s Not How Smart Are We, But Rather, How Are We Smart?

Recall from our earlier discussion of MI theory’s eight intelligences that two in particular are highlighted in school: linguistic and logical-mathematical. Of the eight areas, these represented the two areas that Bill was weakest in. In contrast, he was very strong in several others, among them, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and visual-spatial.

6. When Difference No Longer Signals Danger

Bill dropped out of school, but he doesn’t seem to have any lasting scars. At age 18, he enlisted in the army. It was during his time in the army that he began to see his strengths and challenges in a new light.

6a. More Labels, Not Less

Today, Bill is a father, grandfather, husband, successful business owner, and respected member of his community. The challenges he experiences are similar in many respects to the challenges he experienced in school, but they no longer define how he sees himself in relation to other people and to the world. Instead, his persisting challenges are seen in the context of his many strengths and his many valued roles and responsibilities.

6b. Learning to See Abilities as Malleable

Bill views the challenges he encounters in life with a growth mindset. To the contrary, he continues to harbor doubts about his academic abilities and remains reluctant to read in front of others. Fortunately, he has learned to delegate tasks that he struggles with so that his challenges no longer prevent him from reaching his goals as they did decades ago in school.

6c. Wisdom and Courage in Historical Context

A number of wise and courageous people who did well in school are today also doing well in life. But a number of wise and courageous people who failed at school are also today doing well in life. And Bill is one of them. Bill has always reached out to help others in need of help. He did so over forty years ago as a struggling school-age student, and he continues to do so today in midlife.

Of the five individuals discussed thus far, Bill scored lowest on all measures of academic functioning. Also, unlike Carl, Linda, Javier, and Pam, he also scored lower on measures of intellectual functioning that called into play analytic problem solving skills. Yet, he has always met criteria for what Zimbardo refers to as a “social hero” (a topic we revisit in part II, chapter 6). It’s ironic, perhaps, that of the five individuals, he possessed the qualities that could have helped create a social climate that would have validated the struggles experienced by the other four. Unfortunately, his wise and courageous ways counted very little forty years ago. Fortunately, however, they count a great deal today.

7. Translating the Pain of Our Past Into Meaningful Action on Behalf of Others

Despite the struggles he experienced in school, Bill says that he has no regrets. He is, however, very interested in helping to improve the lives of students who currently struggle in school the way he did decades ago. It’s the reason he volunteers his time to mentor high school students and to provide them with work experiences at his business. Under his mentorship, students who haven’t enjoyed much success at school learn that they can enjoy greater success at work, when the work is something they enjoy doing and also learn to do well.

Relationships – In Context

8. “Beating the Odds,” Thanks to Those Who “Changed the Odds”

8a. Safety Nets

The U.S. Army served as Bill’s safety net. The structure it provided allowed him to succeed in performing his day-to-day responsibilities. In addition, many of the close friends he made in the army are still his close friends today.

8b. Connecting With Those Who Legitimize Rather Than Stigmatize

As was the case with Javier, Bill too became skilled at distancing himself from those who ridicule and shame others, and connecting to those who support and encourage others. He did, however, experience a great deal of shame about his academic challenges, and no amount of support from his teachers, friends, or his father seemed to alleviate this. His sense of shame contributed to his decision to eventually drop out of school.

9. Growing Closer and Stronger as a Result of Difficult or Traumatic Life Events

Looking back, Bill believes that school made him a stronger person. It also strengthened the bond between his father and him. His father identified with his challenges at school and tried his best to keep his son’s spirit strong.

9a. Relationships as Malleable

Bill has always connected well with others. He connected well while failing at school, and also years later, when succeeding at life. Erroneous perceptions never did result in fixed and inflexible views of others. They did, however, result in fixed and inflexible views of his academic abilities. These same fixed and inflexible views, in fact, are still apparent today.

10. Our Greatest Source of Strength – Each Other: A Closer Look at Turning Points

Among Bill’s turning points were joining the army and starting his own business. When asked about turning points in the context of personal relationships, he spoke for quite a long time about his father, who encouraged him to join the service, and who would later encourage him to start his own business. He also spoke at length about his wife, who he feels is the reason he has come as far as he has. Work is important to Bill, but not as important as family. He and his wife remain close to their children and grandchildren, and he thanks his wife for structuring their lives in ways that ensure that these relationships remain strong.